Today I took a walk down memory lane. The section I walked was in one of the uglier neighborhoods. (No, I am not referring to the fact that I cleaned out my refrigerator and freezer today, although I had to visit some ugly memories in there, too.) I revisited 2006, when my marriage was drawing to a close.
I have a group of seven women who hold me accountable, hold me up in prayer, and hold my hand (figuratively speaking) when I walk through the rough times. Our little group has been together online, with only minor changes, since May 2006...right about the time my ex-husband says he fell in love with the first other woman. We have communicated mainly through a private online message board for the past five years.
The message board site is shutting down on Friday. So I decided to see if I could find my posts from that very difficult time in my life and save them, if it seemed appropriate.
I found them. I also found some surprises, things I had forgotten.
For instance, on at least two occasions before I knew about my ex-husband's affair, his mother made comments suggesting that his actions looked suspiciously like he was having an affair.
Another memory that I had forgotten was that I was terribly unhappy in my marriage in the months while he was having his online affair, even though I didn't know about it. Oddly enough, I even mentioned once that I wondered if he was having an online affair. Yet even then, I was determined to make my marriage work, and to rely on God to give me the strength to do it.
I needed to read those posts again, with the benefit of hindsight. I needed to know that I wasn't a quitter, even before things fell apart. And I needed to be reminded that God was my strength then.
It wasn't a fun walk down Memory Lane today, but it was a good one. I have been reminded where my strength comes from, and with that, I can move forward, building a more beautiful neighborhood from here on!