Sunday, December 26, 2010

The Gentle Art of Rejection

I think I mentioned in a previous post that I had signed up for an online dating site or two.  Well, after a couple months, I've decided that I am not cut out for online dating.  I'm not certain I am cut out for any dating.  I think I may be too nice to date.

Here's the problem:  I haven't learned to deal with rejection. 

I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings.  Mine have been hurt enough that I don't want to inflict that kind of pain on anyone else.  Sometimes, the men who contact me are genuinely nice guys.  But I can't have a committed, loving, monogamous relationship with every nice guy who comes along just because he is a nice guy.  So I need to reject the ones whom I am fairly certain are not my type.

But how? 

I'd rather not give a man a laundry list of what is "wrong" with him, because chances are that the very traits that I could not live with are the ones that another woman could not live without.  Yet most men want some reason why we are not compatible.  Sometimes, it isn't even a reason I can put into words.  It's more a case of what isn't there than of what is.

So how does this gentle art of rejection work?

Do I tell a man why we don't belong together, or do I just say, "I'm sorry, this isn't working for me?"  How long do I give it before I make that call?  Is it kinder to cut off all contact with a man I am "rejecting" as a potential suitor or do I say, "Let's just be friends?"  Do I let a relationship die of neglect, or do I kill it off in one fell swoop?

Any and all suggestions are welcome.  And if you have any suggestions for the flip side of that (how do I let a man know that I am interested?) I will gladly entertain those ideas as well.  :-)


Scottie said...

That's what that little button or auto reply that says "thanks but I'm not interested" is for :)

Scottie said...

Oh, and I get the best results if I am interested by making an attempt at humor, like commenting on a funny photo, or picking up some interesting but neutral tidbit from the profile and making a comment along with my Hello.


Joanne said...

there is NO SUCH THING as "just friends" when it comes to men and women... my 2 cents. Robert will elaborate I am sure!