Sometimes we forget how far-reaching our actions can be, especially in this age of the internet. Recently, I was smacked in the face with a reminder.
While wishing an old college buddy a happy birthday, I saw a post he had made to another friend from college, whom I hadn't yet reconnected with on Facebook. Naturally, I clicked on the person's profile, because I enjoy finding out what has happened in people's lives over the past 25 or so years, and I sent him a friend request. Then I went to look at his photos, curious as to how he had aged.
Imagine my surprise when the first photo to greet me was one of my old Facebook profile pictures. And imagine my horror when I read the caption under it: "My ex while attending Geneva Colege [sic], what a winner!"
That stung for a moment or two, but then it struck me: What had I done to this man that over a quarter of a century later, he still harbored such bitterness toward me?
I sent him a private message, asking that very question, because if I did something, I'd like to offer a belated apology. I honestly don't recall our dating and breakup as being anything particularly intense or traumatic, so I have no clue. He responded by blocking me on Facebook, so I will probably never know how I offended him.
But this was a good reminder to me that what we do now may have consequences way down the road.
Lord, may I always be mindful that my actions do have consequences, and that a careless word now might still be hurting someone 25 years from now! Help me to guard my speech and actions so that I will not cause this kind of hurt to someone in the future.
Tuesday, April 5, 2011
The Answer
I think I have my answer to my most recent question.
Last night at the end of my devotions, I asked God to show me what verse or passage of scripture He wanted me to meditate on this week. He led me to Philippians 4:7. Tonight, He expanded that to Philippians 4:5-8.
Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. (NIV)
A few themes that seem relevant to my quandry about waiting emerge from this passage. First, the theme of peace jumped out at me last night. When I consider waiting, I feel very peaceful; when I think about diving back into the actively-looking-for-someone dating scene, I feel anxious and unsettled. I have to note that this is surprising to me. I am not normally a very patient person, nor do I really like being single with no prospects. But for this situation, I am content and at peace with the idea of not dating for a while.
Second, the theme of gentleness has been showing up repeatedly. I just remarked to someone that the fruits of the Spirit I most need right now are patience (I always need that one, LOL!), self-control (another one I am usually lacking), and gentleness. Gentleness is a new one for me. It's one I usually don't give much thought to...sort of skim right over that one when I read Galatians 5:22-23:
But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law.
Yup, there it is. And I need it, especially if I am going to be friends with someone who doesn't easily trust people of my gender.
Finally, the theme of "worthiness" pops out at me. What is worthy of my thoughts? Well, according to verse 8, whatever is "true, noble, right, pure, lovely, admirable, excellent or praiseworthy" is worthy of my thoughts. The word "noble" is translated "honorable" in the New American Standard version of the Bible, which is the one I most often use for my devotions. Interestingly enough, one of the adjectives that fits my friend quite well is "honorable." Now I may be stretching to say that this means I should think about him, but I don't think it would be stretching to say that a relationship that lives up to those standards is one worth considering. Perhaps God is showing me a design for the relationship, whether it stays on the friendship-only level or moves to another level someday in the distant future. At any rate, this is one of the themes I will meditate on this week as I consider this passage.
As a disclaimer: I realize that this isn't one of my more well-written posts. But please bear with me. Perhaps as I meditate on this passage, I will be better able to express my thoughts. If so, I may revisit this topic later this week. :-)
Last night at the end of my devotions, I asked God to show me what verse or passage of scripture He wanted me to meditate on this week. He led me to Philippians 4:7. Tonight, He expanded that to Philippians 4:5-8.
Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. (NIV)
A few themes that seem relevant to my quandry about waiting emerge from this passage. First, the theme of peace jumped out at me last night. When I consider waiting, I feel very peaceful; when I think about diving back into the actively-looking-for-someone dating scene, I feel anxious and unsettled. I have to note that this is surprising to me. I am not normally a very patient person, nor do I really like being single with no prospects. But for this situation, I am content and at peace with the idea of not dating for a while.
Second, the theme of gentleness has been showing up repeatedly. I just remarked to someone that the fruits of the Spirit I most need right now are patience (I always need that one, LOL!), self-control (another one I am usually lacking), and gentleness. Gentleness is a new one for me. It's one I usually don't give much thought to...sort of skim right over that one when I read Galatians 5:22-23:
But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law.
Yup, there it is. And I need it, especially if I am going to be friends with someone who doesn't easily trust people of my gender.
Finally, the theme of "worthiness" pops out at me. What is worthy of my thoughts? Well, according to verse 8, whatever is "true, noble, right, pure, lovely, admirable, excellent or praiseworthy" is worthy of my thoughts. The word "noble" is translated "honorable" in the New American Standard version of the Bible, which is the one I most often use for my devotions. Interestingly enough, one of the adjectives that fits my friend quite well is "honorable." Now I may be stretching to say that this means I should think about him, but I don't think it would be stretching to say that a relationship that lives up to those standards is one worth considering. Perhaps God is showing me a design for the relationship, whether it stays on the friendship-only level or moves to another level someday in the distant future. At any rate, this is one of the themes I will meditate on this week as I consider this passage.
As a disclaimer: I realize that this isn't one of my more well-written posts. But please bear with me. Perhaps as I meditate on this passage, I will be better able to express my thoughts. If so, I may revisit this topic later this week. :-)
Sunday, April 3, 2011
Worth Waiting For?
I have a divorced male friend who is an amazing man. He loves the Lord passionately, is a great dad to his kids, and is responsible, funny, kind, generous, and to top it all off, sexy. My kids like him and have suggested that I should have a romantic relationship with him, and I would agree, but for one thing: he has no room for a woman in his life right now.
My friend has major baggage. His ex-wfie cheated on him, so he has trust issues. She left him in debt, so he has to work long and hard to pay the bills. She has abandoned their kids, so he is a full-time dad.
Oddly enough, I think his luggage matches mine in many ways. My ex-husband cheated on me, so I have cynicism issues. He left me in debt (I just found out that his refusal to pay off a debt he was ordered by the court to pay cuts off one very good funding source for me to go to school). My ex has seen his kids once in the past year, so I am a full-time mom....24/7/365.
I have prayed for and about this friend often lately, and I have the distinct impression that I am to be an instrument of healing in his life. I don't know exactly how God will use me, but I feel fairly sure that He plans to.
I also have a strong attraction to my friend. At this point in my life, he is the ONLY single man I know whom I would consider dating.
So my quandry is this: How do I know if he is worth waiting for? And would I be wasting time if I waited and he is never ready or he meets someone else in the meantime?
Comments?
My friend has major baggage. His ex-wfie cheated on him, so he has trust issues. She left him in debt, so he has to work long and hard to pay the bills. She has abandoned their kids, so he is a full-time dad.
Oddly enough, I think his luggage matches mine in many ways. My ex-husband cheated on me, so I have cynicism issues. He left me in debt (I just found out that his refusal to pay off a debt he was ordered by the court to pay cuts off one very good funding source for me to go to school). My ex has seen his kids once in the past year, so I am a full-time mom....24/7/365.
I have prayed for and about this friend often lately, and I have the distinct impression that I am to be an instrument of healing in his life. I don't know exactly how God will use me, but I feel fairly sure that He plans to.
I also have a strong attraction to my friend. At this point in my life, he is the ONLY single man I know whom I would consider dating.
So my quandry is this: How do I know if he is worth waiting for? And would I be wasting time if I waited and he is never ready or he meets someone else in the meantime?
Comments?
Saturday, April 2, 2011
Unpacking
We all carry baggage with us. The thing is, some of us can identify our bags, while others wander around the airport of life not even knowing which baggage claim area to look for their bags in. And then there are those who think they have claimed all their bags, unpacked them, and are now on vacation for the rest of their lives.
Uhm, no.
It just doesn't work that way. Each time you unpack a bag and toss it to the side, there will be one more there to take its place. Some will be overweight bags that cost you, while others will be carry-ons that you can deal with easily.
So lately, I have been looking around, trying to figure out what bags I still have left to unpack. I had myself pretty well convinced that I mainly have carry-ons left from my marriage and divorce. And then a friend made an off-hand remark that plunked an enormous TRUNK down in the middle of my life.
He said, "You are doing such a good job of self-condemnation, I'd hate to interrupt."
There it was. I had a huge trunk full of self-condemnation that I needed to unpack.
Funny thing is, I couldn't find the key to the trunk anywhere at first. But like all lost keys, eventually it showed up in a most unexpected place. I won't take you down the entire path that led to the key, but I will say that somehow, I got from thinking about The Five Love Languages to finding the key to my trunk full of self-condemnation.
So I opened the trunk. I expected it to be packed full, as heavy as it was, but it really wasn't. There were a few little things, some dissatisfaction with my size and my lack of domestic skills and a couple other odds and ends. But that wasn't what was filling the trunk and weighing it down. Once I removed those things, I found the weight. It was the memory of a conversation.
The summer before I found out about my ex-husband's afffair, I said to him one day, "You know, my love language is words of affirmation. If you could just tell me something you like about me, I would feel loved and so much happier."
He replied, "I can't do that."
So I pleaded, "Just one thing that is good about me. Maybe something I have done with the kids, or maybe something you've noticed that I do well. Maybe you could even just say 'thank you' for something I've done for you recently..."
And he replied again, "I can't. There isn't anything. I can't do that."
That memory is the weight at the bottom of my trunk. I hope that by pulling it out and putting it in the light where everyone can see it, maybe it will lose some of its weightiness. Maybe it will shrink down to such a small thing that it will no longer be able to support those other odds and ends of self-condemnation that were packed on top of it.
I can only hope so, because I am tired of stubbing my toe on this huge trunk that I have been unaware of until now.
Lord, may I never, ever say something that burdens someone else with a trunk full of self-condemnation. Help me to speak in love, so that I might be the servant who helps to unpack others' baggage, not the source of what weighs them down. In Your loving Name I ask this. Amen.
Uhm, no.
It just doesn't work that way. Each time you unpack a bag and toss it to the side, there will be one more there to take its place. Some will be overweight bags that cost you, while others will be carry-ons that you can deal with easily.
So lately, I have been looking around, trying to figure out what bags I still have left to unpack. I had myself pretty well convinced that I mainly have carry-ons left from my marriage and divorce. And then a friend made an off-hand remark that plunked an enormous TRUNK down in the middle of my life.
He said, "You are doing such a good job of self-condemnation, I'd hate to interrupt."
There it was. I had a huge trunk full of self-condemnation that I needed to unpack.
Funny thing is, I couldn't find the key to the trunk anywhere at first. But like all lost keys, eventually it showed up in a most unexpected place. I won't take you down the entire path that led to the key, but I will say that somehow, I got from thinking about The Five Love Languages to finding the key to my trunk full of self-condemnation.
So I opened the trunk. I expected it to be packed full, as heavy as it was, but it really wasn't. There were a few little things, some dissatisfaction with my size and my lack of domestic skills and a couple other odds and ends. But that wasn't what was filling the trunk and weighing it down. Once I removed those things, I found the weight. It was the memory of a conversation.
The summer before I found out about my ex-husband's afffair, I said to him one day, "You know, my love language is words of affirmation. If you could just tell me something you like about me, I would feel loved and so much happier."
He replied, "I can't do that."
So I pleaded, "Just one thing that is good about me. Maybe something I have done with the kids, or maybe something you've noticed that I do well. Maybe you could even just say 'thank you' for something I've done for you recently..."
And he replied again, "I can't. There isn't anything. I can't do that."
That memory is the weight at the bottom of my trunk. I hope that by pulling it out and putting it in the light where everyone can see it, maybe it will lose some of its weightiness. Maybe it will shrink down to such a small thing that it will no longer be able to support those other odds and ends of self-condemnation that were packed on top of it.
I can only hope so, because I am tired of stubbing my toe on this huge trunk that I have been unaware of until now.
Lord, may I never, ever say something that burdens someone else with a trunk full of self-condemnation. Help me to speak in love, so that I might be the servant who helps to unpack others' baggage, not the source of what weighs them down. In Your loving Name I ask this. Amen.
Thursday, March 31, 2011
Discovery Alert
I've discovered two very important facts in the past 24 hours.
First, if I ask God to give me understanding about something right before going to sleep, I shouldn't be at all surprised if he wakes me up at 5 a.m. to enlighten me. What I am surprised about is that I didn't feel the slightest twinge of frustration at having my sleep interrupted like I would if anyone else dared to wake me at that time to answer a question. :-)
Second, I should never try to figure out what somebody who was speaking male meant when I am not feeling well. It will color my interpretation a totally yucky shade of negative. And then I will have to ask God to help me understand, which might lead to being awakened at 5 a.m., which is really not conducive to feeling better.
First, if I ask God to give me understanding about something right before going to sleep, I shouldn't be at all surprised if he wakes me up at 5 a.m. to enlighten me. What I am surprised about is that I didn't feel the slightest twinge of frustration at having my sleep interrupted like I would if anyone else dared to wake me at that time to answer a question. :-)
Second, I should never try to figure out what somebody who was speaking male meant when I am not feeling well. It will color my interpretation a totally yucky shade of negative. And then I will have to ask God to help me understand, which might lead to being awakened at 5 a.m., which is really not conducive to feeling better.
Battle of the Sexes: Who Holds the Cards?
I had an interesting conversation with a divorced male friend of mine tonight. Part of the conversation was about who determines the pace and direction of a relationship.
My friend said that women hold all the cards. His point was that because it's so much about the physical with men, and women are the ones who determine how fast and how far that goes, women hold all the cards.
I disagree, I think. It seems to me that because a relationship will never even get off the ground unless the man decides he is interested in a woman (for physical reasons, more often than not - I will give him that much), men hold all the cards.
So who does hold the cards? Is it the man or the woman who determines where a relationship will go and how fast it will get there?
What do you think?
My friend said that women hold all the cards. His point was that because it's so much about the physical with men, and women are the ones who determine how fast and how far that goes, women hold all the cards.
I disagree, I think. It seems to me that because a relationship will never even get off the ground unless the man decides he is interested in a woman (for physical reasons, more often than not - I will give him that much), men hold all the cards.
So who does hold the cards? Is it the man or the woman who determines where a relationship will go and how fast it will get there?
What do you think?
Monday, March 28, 2011
An Obscure Post
I'm trying to figure out how to post about what is happening in my life without giving too much detail, yet enough that you can be excited with me. I also want to be careful not to offend any of my friends with how I describe what is going on. So in advance, please forgive me if this post is a little vague or if I inadvertently offend anyone.
God has been clearing the clutter out of my life. He has been removing the unnecessary relationships with men. All of the men I have met through online dating sites are pretty much gone. I am still friends on Facebook with several of them, but for one reason or another, I have drawn a line for each of these relationships and said, "This far and no further....we can be friends, but no more." Interestingly enough, all of those men have stopped communicating with me, except for an occasional casual comment.
(Lest you think I am a player, let me clarify. There were three of these, two of whom I met in person one time each, several months apart.)
So now the clutter is gone and I am almost breathless with anticipation. I think I know what He is making room for, but I am not 100% certain. Still, there is a sense of excitment, of looking forward to awesome things to come. And you kow, even if I am wrong about what He is preparing me for, I know how good God is, so I am certain that whatever He has for me, it will be good!
Okay, was that cryptic enough for you? :-)
God has been clearing the clutter out of my life. He has been removing the unnecessary relationships with men. All of the men I have met through online dating sites are pretty much gone. I am still friends on Facebook with several of them, but for one reason or another, I have drawn a line for each of these relationships and said, "This far and no further....we can be friends, but no more." Interestingly enough, all of those men have stopped communicating with me, except for an occasional casual comment.
(Lest you think I am a player, let me clarify. There were three of these, two of whom I met in person one time each, several months apart.)
So now the clutter is gone and I am almost breathless with anticipation. I think I know what He is making room for, but I am not 100% certain. Still, there is a sense of excitment, of looking forward to awesome things to come. And you kow, even if I am wrong about what He is preparing me for, I know how good God is, so I am certain that whatever He has for me, it will be good!
Okay, was that cryptic enough for you? :-)
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)