Last night as I was reading before bed, I had one of those ah-ha moments. The book I am reading is Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus, by John Gray. I'm only on chapter four, but this statement jumped out at me:
Setting limits and receiving are very scary for a woman. She is commonly afraid of needing too much and then being rejected, judged or abandoned.
A few paragraphs later, Dr. Gray says the following:
For women, not only is needing others especially confusing but being disappointed or abandoned is especially painful, even in the smallest ways. It is not easy for her to depend on others and then be ignored, forgotten, or dismissed. Needing others puts her in a vulnerable position.
There it is: the reason why I have such a hard time asking for help from a man. My biggest fear and hurt as I was going through my divorce was the fear of abandonment, which most likely had roots in my childhood, when my dad left our family.
In my experience, men leave. My dad left. My first fiance left. My first husband left. My second husband left. I could point to any number of boyfriends during my single years who left. In fact, when I am feeling especially cynical, I like to joke that my life verse is Proverbs 20:6, which says Many a man claims to have unfailing love, but a faithful man who can find? (Before you all flame me, let me assure you that I am just joking around when I claim that verse. Sometimes it's better to laugh my head off than to cry my eyes out.)
But as a Christian, I need to remember that there is One who is faithful.
Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the LORD your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. (Deuteronomy 31:6)
So no matter how many men leave me, the Lord my God will never leave me. And the most amazing thing is, He is not just a man. He is the eternal God, Creator, Alpha and Omega, Beginning and End.
Now to live in that knowledge.....